One of the most important things I have recently discovered is that there IS MOST DEFIANTLY a lesson on everything! I have had to learn one of the more difficult lessons recently and that was letting go, of the past and not only that but of my own insecurities... When a loved on passed on or departs its never really easy... and there is no concrete way of dealing with it. However the one certainty is time... This heals all.. it is what you do with that time that effects the lessons and experiences. I had many resentments and anger as there were many things I promised and never done or many things I had done that caused great turmoil in the relationship... For a while I chose too hang onto this and it made me a miserable and angry person. I was comfortable in my own SHIT! Then along the lines I realized that, just wait a minute, if I let go what will happen then and I wanted too fond out. I did not know what was out there, what I was letting go for, but as soon as I started I just wanted more of what was out there... And slowly but surely I became more free of SHIT! and its wonderful... Another lesson I actually came to realize not too long ago is that friendship is not determined by the distance, but by the love and care and it is OK too long for someone and it is OK too feel emotional about it. However I have learnt the lesson but it was only recently that I realized why.... There is a difference you see, learning it is one thing, but realizing it and what you do with that lesson and realization pretty much determines it :p The last few days I was stuck in a space that I felt going into my old ways, however I learnt that this is NOT who I want too be and too learn from the space that I was in that I am still human and I shall still have emotion...
So heres to feeling emotion and allowing yourself too feel and then take a step back and say you know what its ok. All is good in the land of Nod! Remeber to LOVE YOURSELF! Ot
Wow, it has been forever and a day since I have been on here and updated.
The past few months I have been on a journey of pure self discovery and spiritual enlightening. I can not begin to describe the wonders I have experienced and the lessons I have learnt...
Where do I begin...
It all started helping my best friend help one of his friends move stuff... Now I am or rather was a closed and shit case with walls all around when it came to emotion. Well this friend of my friend, saw right through me. As time passed we spent more time together and her healing hands helped to heal me.. Then the day that changed my life, we went to the Buddhist temple in Bronkelspruit and for those of you who know that feeling, well there are no words, I became a soul with a body. I made a connection to my heart and soul and love became my foundation. I was no longer afraid of letting go. Slowly but surely I have released my distorted past and dealt with it.. and still to this day I am letting go more and more and with this an unbelievable amount of freedom came too me. A new sense of being. I became me... I was so overwhelmed by everything and just wanted more and more.... I learnt too slow down and just be! I have learnt to find the beauty in every situation and learnt that LOVE goes a long way... A lesson is too be learnt in everything we do and experience. No matter how messed up the situation may be, there is always a lesson, always. I no longer see the negative but the positive. However one of the most difficult lessons I am learning is that friendship is not determined by distance but by love... We grew very close over a short period of time and she became like my mom, she was and is my spiritual mom. I wish you all the love and happiness on your new adventure!
I know I still have a long way too go and there are many things to be learnt and experiences to be be experienced. and remember in the words of a very wise and great woman ♥ "LOVE ALWAYS" ♥
An ancient Buddhist chant – Nam Myoho renge Kyo
I find myself chanting that over and over again today. It is my desperate mantra to calm my soul and my sudden anger I seem to have built up. It is a happiness chant. Hoping to release this anger. I chant in my head over and over again "I fuse my life with the mystic law of cause and effect through sound vibration". This is what is means.
Fusing the course your life takes with the mystic vibrations of sound. The cant has levels of intensity and sound. There bye relaxing the human brain and placing them in a relaxed and serial realm state. Well it works for some.
Today when faced with my anger I tried this desperate chant who have worked for many “happy chanters” today for me it has not worked.
I found myself chanting in my desperate mantra for serenity, peace
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”
And serenity after the millionth time seemed to be have bestowed. However this anger needs to be resolved.
A humans anger displaces the bodies natural order of things and I myself, well from years of being reckless can not afford this.
May everyone be serene and clean just for today!
Sometimes you get to a point where you have hit rock bottom. Now you have 2 choices.
- 6 feet under
- To get up
Strange enough once many of us has hit rock bottom we think we no longer have the energy or strength to get up. On the other hand we are to cowardly to end it all. As odd as it may sound you need also of courage to kill yourself… I know.
Living life on life’s terms is such a common saying and a lot of people would think “oh fuck off with your dam philosophy”
Truth of the matter is how else to you expect to live life? On what terms would you live it? Look at the pope, yes he is a very religious man but I am sure he has no other terms on living life on life’s terms. His morals just happen to be that of a Christian.
Morals and standards are that what allow us and make us accept life on life’s terms. If we had a choice to live life on say for instance a loaf of breads terms we would start of bit by bit, being kneaded, smacked, punched, made to go double our size and put in a hot oven till we are golden brown. As odd as a comparison that may sound it’s not far from the truth. What makes us different than a loaf of bread? What makes us better? To be honest noting, without bread, which is the staple food of about 90% of the population we would not survive. Some families can only afford bread.
So rather than trying to be the world savior and live life on superhero terms for world peace term, live it on life’s terms. For it’s those little unexpected bumps or waterfalls you get along the road that surprise you ;-0
lOTSA LOVE M
I wrote this paragraph some time ago a few months after I was back in South Africa. Reading through it now I realized the insanity of my actions! All I was doing was running away from well pretty much EVERYTHING! I had a one way ticket and 60 pounds. Nothing else! What London did was not helping me re discover but it helped me discover that running away only causes more problems on your return and even when you do not plan on it you still go back to where you have come from.
That last little bit of the taste of Amsterdam, that smell of London.
Oh do I miss it!
London Beckons me, it calls my name...
My heart lies there. In London. In Victoria station. Just as you get off the train and walk outside the station, on the right hand side is a star bucks caravan. I miss that coffee. Walking down the streets of London town, with my star bucks coffee and my ear phones in. Going to Hyde Park and lying on the grass for hours.
Sitting on the steps of Westminster abbey at midnight, looking around me, not a worry, not a care, not one!
Oh and Amsterdam, where my culture lies, my heritage, what I was bought up to be. It seems like such a long time ago. Almost a lifetime. I need to go back. Even if its just for a while you see, just to spend one more day in Amsterdam.
But the rest of my life in London. You may wonder what my crazy obsession may be with London, but you will only know the feeling once you have been there.
I left my heart there and I want to go be with it. You can be in one place your whole life and it will never feel like home. The minute I got on that godforsaken British airport, I was home. Nothing else mattered to me.
Like when I used to work in the kitchen. Nothing else existed, I had no stress, no worries no troubles. I was happy. I was happy in Amsterdam; I was at peace in London. Is it so much to ask for that the universe grants me the right to go back there. I belong there. It is my home. I felt like no foreigner. I felt I belonged there. I need to go back, I don’t know how. I am stuck in South Africa and I don’t want to be. I am doing a job that I don’t want. It feels like I am living a lie.
I need to go back. Its feels like my life depends on it.
You see the thing is the human body requires a heart to survive. How can I survive if my heart lies in London?
Truth be told everybody has a history, a story of deceptions, lies, truthfulness, happiness, unhappiness. Things that we can not remember things we don't want to remember and then there are the things we can not forget. If you knew you had a week to live, what would you do? The age old question... Look at it like this... Are you so contempt and at peace in your life that you would not want to change a thing, saying that regardless of you knowing that you would die or not that you are happy and grateful every single day with who you are and what you are. Well in that case, bullshit!
Listening to your fingers glide over the piano keys, I can hear your voice in my heart. I can feel you hands around me. You were there when I cried, when I messed up. When I needed you and when I had no where else to go.
You’re a song in my heart and a voice in my head. No matter where you are, I know I can still always count on you mom! I love you so much!
Dreams, desires, lust and insect.
I asked a girl last night what is her desire? Her answer was to find somebody to settle down with. Well as much of a desire that may seem, fro most of us, or the bigger half of the worlds population this is a must. To get married, have kids and love in suburbia happily ever after. Oh hell NO! My desire is first and foremost ME! I desire myself, I lust myself. If I do not who will?
I have the desire to be successful and to be the one yes who has dared to go where no woman has gone before. Where would that be? Well honestly I have no idea, that’s why I am not afraid to go search for the unknown. To take a chance, the risk. To quit playing it safe and just do it, NIKE it!
As fun as that may sound and as daring it has is consequences. You will fall, you will fail, and you will succeed and learn. You just need to grin and bare it for as long as it takes for you to make it. Believe in you! No one can do that for you.
I sent my writing to a few publishers and I got many responses and I didn’t expect a thing. Yes rejection still lies at the door, I mean face it the fairytale ending does not come rite away, even when taking the more traveled road. Yet it comes easier to those who persist and learn from it!
Good luck following your dreams everyone.
Have a clean and sober day!
When I wake up I have a choice
I know this question has crossed all our minds before and there is no doubt that we have spent many an hour pondering about it. Everybody does it, no matter if we are young or old. What do we want to do with our lives? The answer is pretty simple actually. Now I know what you thinking, the answer to such an immense question so simple? Never! Have you maybe ever thought that the answers to the big life questions may be something simple? Instead of trying to complicate things all the time, just kiss! Keep It Simple Stupid. Just kiss! So you are sitting there now wondering what the answer may be, well when you wake up in the morning what is the first thing you think about. For me my first thought is writing. So when in the morning you wake up and the 1st thing you think of is writing then you should be a writer.
So take note when you open your eyes what us the first thing that comes to mind. Now bear in mind, for those of us who had chosen the road less traveled there was times were we could think of nothing else but our using. This does not mean you have to be a professional drug addict. It simply meant that you had given up your free will to make a choice. The biggest choice most were left with was “one gram or two?” The sky is always clear after a heavy rainstorm. No matter how bad it was or how insignificant, the sky will clear, your time of greatness will appear and you opportunity will come and some may go. Remember though, everything happens for a reason!
Always just for today
Much love
Marijke
1st floor stop!
You know what really gnaws at me? People who will wait 10 minutes for an elevator to come and go all the way up to the 1st floor! You are a lazy bunch of freaks that irritate the living daylights out of me. I want to kick you out of the elevator. I mean seriously it the height of laziness. It’s amazing how lazy the human race has become. We emitted from running across countries chasing animals to hunt for food now we are too lazy to walk 2km to McDonalds. I know you are sitting there saying “that’s not me” well guess what even I do it. Its human nature. We find ways to make everything go by faster and go quicker. Faster cars, faster food, faster, faster faster! Ahhh it annoys me. People slow the hell down and smell the roses. Yes we are only here for a certain amount of time and there is a lot to do but there is a small factor here TIME! It’s not our enemy. We choose what we do with it. How we divide it into our daily tasks. If you do not make it a task and say I don’t have to do this, I want to trust me time will be in your favor. It is just your perception on it. Have a good one everyone! I wish you all a clean and sober day for the rest of your life ;-)
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