I wrote this paragraph some time ago a few months after I was back in South Africa. Reading through it now I realized the insanity of my actions! All I was doing was running away from well pretty much EVERYTHING! I had a one way ticket and 60 pounds. Nothing else! What London did was not helping me re discover but it helped me discover that running away only causes more problems on your return and even when you do not plan on it you still go back to where you have come from.
That last little bit of the taste of Amsterdam, that smell of London.
Oh do I miss it!
London Beckons me, it calls my name...
My heart lies there. In London. In Victoria station. Just as you get off the train and walk outside the station, on the right hand side is a star bucks caravan. I miss that coffee. Walking down the streets of London town, with my star bucks coffee and my ear phones in. Going to Hyde Park and lying on the grass for hours.
Sitting on the steps of Westminster abbey at midnight, looking around me, not a worry, not a care, not one!
Oh and Amsterdam, where my culture lies, my heritage, what I was bought up to be. It seems like such a long time ago. Almost a lifetime. I need to go back. Even if its just for a while you see, just to spend one more day in Amsterdam.
But the rest of my life in London. You may wonder what my crazy obsession may be with London, but you will only know the feeling once you have been there.
I left my heart there and I want to go be with it. You can be in one place your whole life and it will never feel like home. The minute I got on that godforsaken British airport, I was home. Nothing else mattered to me.
Like when I used to work in the kitchen. Nothing else existed, I had no stress, no worries no troubles. I was happy. I was happy in Amsterdam; I was at peace in London. Is it so much to ask for that the universe grants me the right to go back there. I belong there. It is my home. I felt like no foreigner. I felt I belonged there. I need to go back, I don’t know how. I am stuck in South Africa and I don’t want to be. I am doing a job that I don’t want. It feels like I am living a lie.
I need to go back. Its feels like my life depends on it.
You see the thing is the human body requires a heart to survive. How can I survive if my heart lies in London?
Truth be told everybody has a history, a story of deceptions, lies, truthfulness, happiness, unhappiness. Things that we can not remember things we don't want to remember and then there are the things we can not forget. If you knew you had a week to live, what would you do? The age old question... Look at it like this... Are you so contempt and at peace in your life that you would not want to change a thing, saying that regardless of you knowing that you would die or not that you are happy and grateful every single day with who you are and what you are. Well in that case, bullshit!
Listening to your fingers glide over the piano keys, I can hear your voice in my heart. I can feel you hands around me. You were there when I cried, when I messed up. When I needed you and when I had no where else to go.
You’re a song in my heart and a voice in my head. No matter where you are, I know I can still always count on you mom! I love you so much!
Dreams, desires, lust and insect.
I asked a girl last night what is her desire? Her answer was to find somebody to settle down with. Well as much of a desire that may seem, fro most of us, or the bigger half of the worlds population this is a must. To get married, have kids and love in suburbia happily ever after. Oh hell NO! My desire is first and foremost ME! I desire myself, I lust myself. If I do not who will?
I have the desire to be successful and to be the one yes who has dared to go where no woman has gone before. Where would that be? Well honestly I have no idea, that’s why I am not afraid to go search for the unknown. To take a chance, the risk. To quit playing it safe and just do it, NIKE it!
As fun as that may sound and as daring it has is consequences. You will fall, you will fail, and you will succeed and learn. You just need to grin and bare it for as long as it takes for you to make it. Believe in you! No one can do that for you.
I sent my writing to a few publishers and I got many responses and I didn’t expect a thing. Yes rejection still lies at the door, I mean face it the fairytale ending does not come rite away, even when taking the more traveled road. Yet it comes easier to those who persist and learn from it!
Good luck following your dreams everyone.
Have a clean and sober day!
When I wake up I have a choice
I know this question has crossed all our minds before and there is no doubt that we have spent many an hour pondering about it. Everybody does it, no matter if we are young or old. What do we want to do with our lives? The answer is pretty simple actually. Now I know what you thinking, the answer to such an immense question so simple? Never! Have you maybe ever thought that the answers to the big life questions may be something simple? Instead of trying to complicate things all the time, just kiss! Keep It Simple Stupid. Just kiss! So you are sitting there now wondering what the answer may be, well when you wake up in the morning what is the first thing you think about. For me my first thought is writing. So when in the morning you wake up and the 1st thing you think of is writing then you should be a writer.
So take note when you open your eyes what us the first thing that comes to mind. Now bear in mind, for those of us who had chosen the road less traveled there was times were we could think of nothing else but our using. This does not mean you have to be a professional drug addict. It simply meant that you had given up your free will to make a choice. The biggest choice most were left with was “one gram or two?” The sky is always clear after a heavy rainstorm. No matter how bad it was or how insignificant, the sky will clear, your time of greatness will appear and you opportunity will come and some may go. Remember though, everything happens for a reason!
Always just for today
Much love
Marijke
1st floor stop!
You know what really gnaws at me? People who will wait 10 minutes for an elevator to come and go all the way up to the 1st floor! You are a lazy bunch of freaks that irritate the living daylights out of me. I want to kick you out of the elevator. I mean seriously it the height of laziness. It’s amazing how lazy the human race has become. We emitted from running across countries chasing animals to hunt for food now we are too lazy to walk 2km to McDonalds. I know you are sitting there saying “that’s not me” well guess what even I do it. Its human nature. We find ways to make everything go by faster and go quicker. Faster cars, faster food, faster, faster faster! Ahhh it annoys me. People slow the hell down and smell the roses. Yes we are only here for a certain amount of time and there is a lot to do but there is a small factor here TIME! It’s not our enemy. We choose what we do with it. How we divide it into our daily tasks. If you do not make it a task and say I don’t have to do this, I want to trust me time will be in your favor. It is just your perception on it. Have a good one everyone! I wish you all a clean and sober day for the rest of your life ;-)
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